U Can’t Touch This

24 10 2011

Everybody loves a comedian. Unfortunately, it’s no good when that is not your intention.

I nearly laughed myself off the recliner the other day when I heard that rapper MC Hammer is launching a new search engine called WireDoo. The site is not yet functioning (“pre-Beta” is their term), but visitors can sign up in hopes of being selected to be a Beta tester in the days ahead.

The endeavor would not be nearly as laughable if MC Hammer weren’t behind it all. Good grief. Never mind that we really do not need another search engine. But MC Hammer? If anyone needs to be searching for something, it is he. And he needs to find the magic elixir to jumpstart a dead career.

The graveyard of dead search engines is close to being full. Google and Bing (admittedly a latecomer, but when you’re backed by Microsoft money, there is hope) dominate the search scene. Specialty search engines exist that promise “deep” or specialized searches. But if you know how to search, you probably don’t need any of the others.

Furthermore, the only way to make money in search is by selling advertising. Eyeballs beget advertisers. And if the eyeballs are not there, then why bother? Unless MC knows something we don’t, I don’t expect this site to be any more relevant today than MC’s parachute pants

Gack.

But it gets better. Hammer’s unique selling proposition is “relationship-driven searches,” a fancy way of saying that if you enter something like a ZIP Code, it will return all manner of meta data about that locale…like schools, hospitals, etc.

Excuse me, but I already find those kinds of results, especially when I search from a mobile device. And now that 50% of US cell phone users have a smartphone (thanks to the iPhone 4S), these types of queries are the thing of apps, not search engines (e.g., AroundMe gives me pretty much everything I want without ever having to enter one single data point). WireDoo? How about WeirDo?

While MC Hammer may be 2 Legit 2 Quit, I give this girl a year before we’re all singing Have You Seen Her. It’s a bum rap, but someone’s gotta take it. MC may be humming Let’s Get It Started, but this one is just an online version of his pants. Full of dead air.

Dr “Put The Hammer Down” Gerlich


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One response

24 10 2011
adpraisal

haha how very random! Maybe someone suggested it for a joke and he actually fell for it or perhaps he just really hates Google.. irregardless the name “WireDoo” is a bit of a low-point

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