Ego Tripping

26 06 2011

And here’s yet another entry in the I Suppose It Would Happen Sooner Or Later Department: Custom books comprised of your Facebok status updates and pictures.

Stop the presses! No, please. Stop the presses. I mean it.

Turns out there are no fewer than 7 providers of ego-building social media vanity books. Pardon me while I yawn.

Actually, maybe this should be filed in my other popular folder, Why Didn’t I Think Of That.

For a mere $15-30, you can archive all of your brilliant posts and should-have-been-Pulitzer-Prize-winning photos. Who needs coffee table books by other people when you can feature your own wit, wisdom and creative genius? Friends, family and neighbors will stand in awe (no doubt as they make their way for the door). No, really. They will wonder what could have possibly possessed you to do this in the first place. Then they’ll wonder if you have lost your mental faculties, while sneaking a peak at your ears to see if maybe they’ve been scraping the doorways as you pass through. Heads that big might just show up on Doppler radar. You never know.

As much as I love (and use) social media, I have never honestly thought of my posts as lines in a book. Once I joked that it would have been interesting if Twitter existed when Jesus walked the earth, because then the Gospels would have been written in succinct 140-character tweets. But that’s it. I know that my status updates are all over the map, and if you compiled my random givings and misgivings into a continuous monograph, it would probably cause my readers to suddenly come down with ADHD. “Look…a squirrel!”

Still, books such as these are a reflection of our times. We really have taken social media quite seriously, so much so that we fancy ourselves the next John Grisham. Heck, we don’t even need to write cogent thoughts and publish them in Amazon’s Kindle Direct Program like I wrote about yesterday. No sirree. Turns out we’ve been writing that book all along. We just didn’t know it at the time.

I laugh when I consider that each and every one of these epic tomes will have a press run of one. Uno. The bottom of the New York Times best (or is it worst?) seller list will be cluttered with a gazillion titles all showing the same sales figure. Who else would want to read your status updates again anyway? We already had to deal with them once.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to scroll through my FB Profile page to re-read all of my pithy utterances. My, some days I surprise even myself. Can I interest anyone in a book?

Dr “No Need To Widen The Doorways Here” Gerlich

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